CONSUME!

After reading through my past dispatches I realised money (and the lack of it) was a recurring feature. It may look to some that my last post was a ridiculous boast about how much I spend on my hobby which I categorically deny it was nothing of the sort. I am however a consumer, a member of the petite bourgeoisie, a grabby materialist, I consume and I was not entirely happy about realising that. 

The question is why do I "consume" and when I say that I mean superfluous stuff like weird hats and books I'll never get round to reading. I also wondered why I hang on to stuff which is surplus to requirements, why not pass it on? After much thinking I came up with an answer for the second question which also answered the first... sort of. The answer is of course "it maybe useful someday" but when? Perhaps when hell freezes over or a plague wipes out most of mankind and turns them into fleshing eating zombies... well you never know. A large part of my book collection are reference style books which I look up stuff in and I do lend novels that I've read to some people once I've besmirched it's virgin pages, bent it's cover and ruined the spine. For the large part I just horde useless stuff but thankfully it hasn't reached the levels of excess of me bottling my own urine and suspending my shit in formaldehyde filled glass tubes. Well not yet anyway.

However I found this answer wasn't satisfactory, I mean it was an answer for some of the crap I've bought over the years but not all of it. It also failed to answer why I in general get the most expensive and not the best value for money item either. I suspect it has something to do with quality and why shouldn't I have the best after all I have no problems with self worth. I'm worth it even if none of you lot think so. The question is where to draw the line and say no I don't need this or I don't have to cough up so much. Wine is a good example of where to draw the line, I'm no wine connoisseur so why cough up the extra cash for an expensive fine wine when a rustic, cheaper wine will suffice? The David Ginola argument of "because I'm worth it" doesn't really apply because I won't notice the difference except for the price. I haven't been doing a good job of this sort of cost cutting so far. At this point my brain was aching so I soothed it by looking at this and others like it...

I found my mind wondering back to my relationship with money when I wondered whether I could build a wood bodied shooting brake similar to the above example as some kind of kit car. I realised I didn't have the skills and it would probably cheaper to buy one or have one built. Sadly such beautiful machines are well and truly out of my price range. I started thinking about how the hell I would get a pay rise and that got me wondering why would I want the extra stress and responsibility of a higher paying job as it would indubitably eat into my free time. Free time is precious to me as I like to do stuff in it but what I do in it is limited by my lack of money and now we're at the crux of my money obsession. I work to live not live to work, what's the point in making loads of cash if you don't have the time to enjoy spending it? 

An excellent author called Stephen Clarke has wrote a few books on living in France and the French psyche and he points out the French are just the same, the vast majority work to live and not live to work. I don't suffer from quite the same militant attitude to work as the French and I won't run at the first sign of danger but I will shoot anything that moves, eat horse meat and small birds and put garlic in just about anything I cook. There are persistent rumours in my father's side of the family that claim we're of Huguenot or Flemish origin. So maybe my need to consume is due to the fact I'm part French. If it's the latter it just explains why I bore everyone to death as the Belgians are hardly known for being exciting. Either way it's those bloody foreigners' fault! And with that I'll bid you goodbye, au revoir and vaarwel.

Next time on "The Jolly Buffoon":

Woodies - A budget option to replacing rusting body panels or a daft liability?